Author, Psychologist
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From my years as a couple therapist, here’s a few tips for rediscovering great sex in long term relationships. In each of us is our secret erotic world unseen by anyone except a lover (and even they rarely know the half of it). The happiest long term couples tend to have created a shared, overlapping erotic existence as …
I recently re-discovered the book How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It’s great inspiration for parents who want to connect deeply with their children and need some practical ideas. It works because it takes a mindful, respectful and compassionate attitude to the parent-child relationship (unlike some …
Sex therapy is often an important adjunct to couple therapy and there’s a popular misconception that longer relationships equate with boring sex. However, research evidence actually suggests that long-term couples generally report enjoying more satisfying sex than newer couples. This is probably because confidence and ease grows over time together. It is true however, that for many couples, …
For much of my life I had the classic pleasing disease. Pleasers want everything to be beautiful and harmonious and we’re willing to do what it takes. Pleasers often come across easy-going, generous, agreeable and flexible, because we want to be loved and we’re convinced pleasing = being loved We move mountains to make others happy, lacking …
“Will it last?” It’s the question that can’t help crossing most people’s minds when a couple announces an engagement. There are a few good indicators of which relationships are going to see the distance and which are likely to be doomed. Years of helping couples as a therapist means I’ve seen the good, the bad and the …
When is it too late to save a relationship? The short answer: When you’ve let too much resentment accumulate between you. You probably no longer see the good in your partner as outweighing the bad. It’s likely you have few positive feelings left for your partner, or perhaps no feelings at all. It’s surprising how …
It was a big day when mindfulness hit me as a super power – an innate power I could channel to improve my life. I’d been studying yoga and meditation for some time and I had the THEORY totally down, but apparently it hadn’t really sunk into my heart and gut. Because there I was on an …
When my previous partner died about 5 years ago it catapulted me forward in every way imaginable. You don’t need that kind of agony to propel yourself forward – but when bad things happen, you don’t want to waste the insights. Death shines the harsh light of ultimate reality on those left behind, so for a while …
Love means paying attention, in a very particular way. Yet, too often we don’t focus the force of our attention on who and what we love. We get caught up in the more pressing and ultimately less important stuff. We think others know how much they mean to us. But only freely given attention helps people …
Mindfulness in managing emotions is a key theme of Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘Practicing the Power of Now”. In the book, Tolle characterises, that is actually gives a character to, unhelpful thoughts and feelings that habitually arise in us. He calls the personal accumulation of pain in us – our sad thoughts, stories and feelings – “the …