Author, Psychologist
Therapist Aaron Beck was the grandfather of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – a system of therapy which in a nutshell, teaches people to recognise the patterns of thinking that aren’t serving them well and to question unhelpful thoughts and feelings rather than just going with them willy-nilly and spiralling into down moods. Many therapists, like myself, combine ideas …
When you become a parent, especially for the first time, it can take a lot more strategic planning to make space for your couple relationship than it used to, but do it. Good sex is a key component in nurturing a passionate, connected couple relationship and although it may take some energy to make it …
Jealousy pangs occur for almost every couple at some time. However, if jealousy becomes part of an ongoing cycle of anger, suspicion, distress and insecurity in a couple, it needs dealing with on a deeper level before it erodes core trust in each other and dampens closeness and desire in the relationship. It’s important to …
A real friend is one of the great loves that make life worth living. I realised far too recently how important it is to be reflective about what a friend means to me. It doesn’t work to assume that people are automatically ‘friends’ just because you hang out with them. I wasn’t taught that as …
Eroticism is like a place you go to, immerse yourself in, that exists first in your imagination. The greatest thing about imagination is it has no limits and your erotic places can be anywhere in time and space, infinite and inexhaustible. Different scenarios and locations can be inspiring but when you’re wanting to fire up …
Keeping sex creative makes sense because eroticism thrives on novelty, many varied and new experiences. By creative – I don’t necessarily mean acrobatics in the bedroom – simply variations on sex aside from intercourse. Sex is creative – even when it’s not about creating new people – it’s almost a place we go to that exists as much inside our imagination as in …
Surviving infidelity is a heartbreaking, brain-searing, crazy-making time for couples to navigate. I often meet couples for the first time in their scorched earth, post-affair period because they need my help as a therapist then like never before. Recovering from any betrayal of trust is slow and painstaking and the more intimate the betrayal, the more raw the pain, shame, rage …
Marriage Therapy research has found that pulling away or treating each other harshly when you’re under pressure are the greatest predictors of divorce. Here’s a peek at what I call the S.O.U.L strategy for handling challenges and disagreements with soul-to-soul respect and closeness, rather than reactivity. Years as a couple therapist has confirmed for me …
Is your relationship more difficult than enjoyable? Maybe you need some relationship help to figure out what to do to make it better, especially if you keep going round in circles together, rehashing the same issues. Sometimes we can’t make sense of our relationships, or even our own insides. We’re just too close to the …
Strangely, I still felt loved as I focused on surviving grief. My former partner stopped breathing, holding my hand; just as intimate as in life. For the previous two years we’d faced everything together. Still I could feel his presence long after he died and it frustrated me, gutted me and buoyed me in equal measure. I felt the love but I …