Author, Psychologist
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Surviving infidelity is a heartbreaking, brain-searing, crazy-making time for couples to navigate. I often meet couples for the first time in their scorched earth, post-affair period because they need my help as a therapist then like never before. Recovering from any betrayal of trust is slow and painstaking and the more intimate the betrayal, the more raw the pain, shame, rage …
Marriage Therapy research has found that pulling away or treating each other harshly when you’re under pressure are the greatest predictors of divorce. Here’s a peek at what I call the S.O.U.L strategy for handling challenges and disagreements with soul-to-soul respect and closeness, rather than reactivity. Years as a couple therapist has confirmed for me …
Is your relationship more difficult than enjoyable? Maybe you need some relationship help to figure out what to do to make it better, especially if you keep going round in circles together, rehashing the same issues. Sometimes we can’t make sense of our relationships, or even our own insides. We’re just too close to the …
Strangely, I still felt loved as I focused on surviving grief. My former partner stopped breathing, holding my hand; just as intimate as in life. For the previous two years we’d faced everything together. Still I could feel his presence long after he died and it frustrated me, gutted me and buoyed me in equal measure. I felt the love but I …
I’m writing this with trepidation, because the mere mention of porn can provoke conservatives, big business, the moral police and all sorts. So to be clear, there’s no moral debate here. I’m writing about porn because it’s become an issue in my field – relationship therapy. Essentially the most common problem is when one partner …
Learning to manage differences in opinion compassionately and effectively in your relationship is an essential life skill and it isn’t really that difficult to learn. Ample research shows that how couples behave under pressure is more important in predicting happiness than how they are together in good times – after all, being happy when things are going smoothly …
It doesn’t take more sex to feel sexier and to enjoy intimacy more. What it does take is regularly feeding your erotic imagination; prioritising your passions and creativity AND grabbing every opportunity to show care to your beloved. Here’s 5 ways to infuse more of your creativity and aliveness into the bedroom: 1. Our erotic imagination thrives …
From my years as a couple therapist, here’s a few tips for rediscovering great sex in long term relationships. In each of us is our secret erotic world unseen by anyone except a lover (and even they rarely know the half of it). The happiest long term couples tend to have created a shared, overlapping erotic existence as …
I recently re-discovered the book How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It’s great inspiration for parents who want to connect deeply with their children and need some practical ideas. It works because it takes a mindful, respectful and compassionate attitude to the parent-child relationship (unlike some …
Sex therapy is often an important adjunct to couple therapy and there’s a popular misconception that longer relationships equate with boring sex. However, research evidence actually suggests that long-term couples generally report enjoying more satisfying sex than newer couples. This is probably because confidence and ease grows over time together. It is true however, that for many couples, …