There’s a great deal of research suggesting that having sex everyday (or almost!) with your partner is great for body and mind. The widely reported benefits of daily sex in a good relationship include: Lower levels of stress, better sleep, greater relationship happiness, healthier pelvic floor muscles and regulation of periods for women, and an association with lower levels of prostate cancer in men. Of course, the main reason to have daily sex is to maximise pleasure and intimacy in your relationship and maintain and grow your sense of sharing and connection with your partner. Sex every day is a very natural way to get to a feeling of deeper closeness and security because you’re constantly releasing feel good hormones throughout your being.
Before you tell me it isn’t possible or it’s just too much in a busy life, let me qualify what I mean by everyday sex. In this context I’m not just talking about intercourse or genital sex, or even sex with the goal of having an orgasm every day. Keeping sex creative and highly desirable in long term relationships takes a wider definition of sex, erotica and foreplay than is commonly held. Sex as I define it, is our whole possible repertoire of erotic connection, which varies greatly across couples, but ideally is broad and always shifting and expanding. Sex is defined more by its intent than its mechanics. It can include all kinds of erotic touching, from a few minutes to a few hours worth, naked, fully clothed or somewhere in between.
If motivation is difficult sometimes, take heart. Everyone can do with a little inspiration. Have a look at my free online mini-retreat for couples here or check out Time Hacks for Sizzling Sex or Sex Secrets of Erotically Charged Couples and you’re sure to pick up a few ideas.
Sex, or at least foreplay to a more intense connection, can be any encounter that feels erotically loaded for you. To me that includes any moments throughout the day and night where you touch with a certain thought in mind, kiss with connection, talk about sex, hold one another and consciously indulge for a few seconds or hours in all the myriad possibilities of intimate time together. There’s no better place for daily sex than within a strong, long-term relationship that allows for vulnerability and pushing boundaries together because risk and finding ‘newness’ is firmly grounded in trust and safety. In your happy relationship, I recommend that you try intentionally having more erotic contact or sex everyday for at least a week, longer if you’re both game, and see how it affects the physical and emotional mood between you and importantly, how you feel within yourself.
